Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
