is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
