It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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