found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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