im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
