You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
