If that was your dad, he is hot
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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