remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
