no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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