I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
