do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
