WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
