Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
