So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
