I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
How does one acquire holy water?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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