Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
