forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
