And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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