I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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