three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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