you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
