dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
