and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
