Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
why is half of my head shaved?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
