If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just cropdusted the office
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
