U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize