Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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