the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
