Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
