once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
someone owes me an orgasm
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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