cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
