i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
