I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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