grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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