I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
