The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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