I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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