my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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