Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
