clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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