Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
