white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
false alarm, still single
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
