By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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