so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
