u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
