I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
