Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
