Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
