Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
