The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
