1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
