apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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