Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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