and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
