My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
