im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
