he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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