oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
