When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
