Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
