just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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