My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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