I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
