Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
did i just pee glitter
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
