I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We named our party play list daddy issues
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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