hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
